Watch Out Martha I am Getting Organized!

SO the other day I was reading one of my new favorite blogs, The Mommy Dialogues, and I found this great post on creating a chore list. Now I don't know about you but I like lists. If I can right it down, check it off, and see the progress of that to-do list getting smaller it somehow makes it easier to do. A reward system! Those red lines through a task, oh they make my heart skip a beat! I take being a SAHM very seriously, yes admittedly in the beginning I did have hired help. I have no shame in admitting that, I needed it! My PPD was so bad I could barely function, or stop crying, let alone scrub my toilet bowl! It was all I could do to breastfeed Claire, change her diaper, and maybe if I had the energy have a shower....eating was a chore for crying out loud. Those early months were made that much more bearable by having someone come in, only bi-weekly, to lend a hand.

However that was a short lived treat, once I got my PPD under control it was time to start being an organized, efficient, crafty, and clean SAHM....yet I still found it so overwhelming. Not because I couldn't do it, I could, there was just SO MUCH! I felt I had to do it all in one day. My husband works SO HARD to provide for us and I would feel such guilt about dirty dishes, or messy floors. It drove me crazy. I tried to do it all every day, and take care of Claire, and run a home based business at night. That my dear friends, is a recipe for disaster. My husband, for the record, never once pushed me to feel like this. He could care less, as long as I am happy. In fact he helps TOO MUCH. I have to tell him to stop, seriously.

also read The Post-Partum Blues: My Story

At any rate back to the above mentioned blog post. I saw that chore chart and a light bulb went off in my head! If I have a list of small goals spread out through the week maybe I would feel less overwhelmed? Maybe more would get done? Maybe I would have more time for Claire? And you know what? I DO! I went out to Wallmart and bought a $9 whiteboard and wrote out my chore schedule on it in permanent marker, that way it is a permanent schedule but I can cross task off with a dry eraser and start fresh each week. I spread out chores across the week so that the days are fairly even, with Saturday and Sunday being "free time". Ryan's main responsibility is to bring home the bacon, but he also does all of the cooking (yes I am a lucky girl). I created a small section for him of "manly" chores, or as I like to call it a "honeydo list" of things that I can't manage.

My job is a SAHM, I work Mon-Fri, and have weekends off :D It works really well. Our house is already feeling much more clean and organized. If I see that something needs to be done, and I have already tackled my to-do list I don't feel bad because that chore is, say, a Tuesday chore not a Monday one. While Claire naps I cross off my to-do list for that day, and when she wakes up we HAVE FUN! Go to the park, sing, dance, play, and I don't feel guilty for a minute because my chores for that day are done. It is a silly simple little thing but for us it really works!

Dreadlock Dreamin'

I have always wanted long dreadlocks, with beads, and feathers, that I can tie up in a funky messy bun on top of my head. Yet I never had the guts to do them. I was thinking about all the things in life that I have wanted to do, but never let myself. That I have held back on....for fear of what others would think, and for fear of too much change. As I mentioned in yesterday's blog post, we often hold ourselves back from the very things that make us MOST happy. We find that joy, we go full throttle, and then suddenly we stop.

We sabotage ourselves? WHY? As I was daydreaming of growing my hair into long luscious locks I asked myself why wait? Why am I day deaming when I can do? So I did some research, because as most of you know my hair isn't that long. I have a slanted bob (short in the back angled towards my chin). What's a girl to do? 

Well back in the day (aka Toronto) I had synthetic dreads braided into my hair so that I could grow it out after a heat wave induced head shaving episode (long story). I wore those dread for a few months but had to take them out eventually as they arent permanent. Well, I kept them. So I did some research on how to dread short hair and discovered that many people will dread their short hair and add "lock extensions" with real OR synthetic hair. HOLLA! 

So of course I spent most of last night researching how to dread hair: twist and rip, backcomb, au natural, how to add the extensions to the real dread etc. I also asked the lovely Ms Katelyn of Peace Love and Leener for some advice as she has embarked on her own "Dreadlock Journey" and I LOVE the results. 

This was the my morning:

Yup doesnt get much crunchier then this...breastfeeding my toddler while I dreadlock my hair. AWESOME

I would like to introduce you to my little friend. His name is Bob, I kinda like him and think I will make a friend for him on the other side. Her name will be Suzie. Bob and Suzie may have babies, but for now I thin I will sport some dreadlock maiden braids and see how I like them. 

The Post-Partum Blues: My Story

4 Days Old Versus 4 Months Old

I never blogged much about the Baby Blues, and I feel that this was a mistake. More moms need to talk about it, blog about it, share it, so that those of us that suffer it don't feel so alone. I went through it, maybe you did to? Or you know someone who did? At any rate it is very common and totally NORMAL. But in the moment it feels AWFUL. 

In the beginning I had what is commonly referred to as the baby blues. I felt numb. Inside and out, just numb. It would hit me about twice a day, once in the afternoon and always the strongest around 8pm every night. I would go from feeling like I was on top of the world holding my baby girl, to completely and utterly overwhelmed. I felt shocked, numb, RAW! Everything was too much, sounds were too loud, lights were to bright, flavors were to strong...and the demands of my precious baby girl felt like a impossible task. There were times where I would look at Claire and just cry. Cry because I just felt like I wasn't enough, would never be enough, didn't love her enough, and therefore didn't deserve her. 

also read : Being Thankful: An Enlightening Dinner

I didn't waste anytime getting myself to my psychologist (yup I have a head shrink on file) who assured me that what I was experiencing was "just the baby blues" and was purely related to a normal massive drop in hormones. It would pass after a few weeks and I was told to rest lots, hydrate often, and try to enjoy the moments in between "episodes" as best I could.

You know what, it was the SMARTEST thing I did. Hearing what I knew was true, but feared all the same, from a professional made me feel SO much better. Sure enough each week that went by the cloud lifted. My vision cleared. I learned how to read Claire, how to anticipate her needs, I realized I WAS enough. She did love me and need me, and that it was OK to feel overwhelmed. I learned to ask for help, to take naps, and to breathe.

Fast forward a few months down the road and I started to get that feeling again. It creeped up on me ever so slowly, with my husband noticing signs before I even did. One day out of the blue I started getting panic attacks and became afraid of being left alone with Claire. I was so overwhelmed and I COULD NOT stop crying. I am not exaggerating, I couldn't stop. It was like there was an ocean of tears inside of me. Once again I found myself in an unexpected place except this time it was far worse, it was a much more powerful feeling and it left me exhausted. I feared that this was something more then just the baby blues and got in to see my Dr right away, and it is a good thing I did. I am a firm believer of body wisdom, listen to your gut! Your body will tell you when something just isn't right. I knew from my previous experience with the baby blues that I needed help in order to get through this. I was diagnosed as having postpartum depression and given the help I needed to get me through the days. And thank God that help exists!  The Best 10 Methods for Acne Treatment 2017

I simply want to share this because I wish I had read more on it while I was pregnant. I thought I wouldn't have to worry about any of this, that I would be too happy. But I was wrong. SO WRONG! The baby blues/postpartum depression is not fun, but many of us do go through this. You will feel so raw and numb, and it will scare you. BUT IT WILL PASS. Talk to a professional, a nurse, a counselor, or just talk to a loved one. Do not bottle it up inside, and as it was said to me....enjoy those moments in between 'episodes'. Do not despair, love yourself and know that you now possess something that will love you for life unconditionally. Your child. This is such a taboo subject in society, like you are a failure as a mother if this happens to you...BUT YOU ARE NOT! I am not! It happens to many women and when those of us who suffer keep silent all we do is justify the taboo and alienate ourselves from the help of our peers.

I also learned a lot from this experience. It is really easy as a new mom to get caught up in perfection. To want to maintain everything the way it was before in your home and your life....but nothing will ever be the same again. And the sooner you realize that and except it the sooner you can heal. On that note I simply cannot blog and craft to the extent that I once was now with Claire. Well, I could but I would go mad. And it is just not worth it. So you may not see me as often anymore, but what you will see is more meaningful heartfelt posts, when I want to post!

Photoshoot Fun: Babywearing on the Beach

The hubz took these photos on our family vacation to sunny California a few weeks ago. This is one of my Premium Kamika Water Wraps that I am wearing Claire in. It is UPF 50, anti-bacterial, anti-static, lightweight and SUPER fast drying. Claire was actually scared of the ocean, but VERY curious about it. Babywearing was the only way she felt confident enough to check out the surf. Mommy didn't mind the extra snuggles...